This is interesting because it is almost akin to eating an entire pizza and then shoving down a pint of ice cream, you feel that unattractive. Money is an amazingly powerful tool! Yes, I know I hate that too...but it is a reality and today we are feeling it more than ever.
What tends to suffer first however are our relationships! We all know the statistics on money and marriage, what is interesting is that just adding more money to the pot is not the only way (or the best way) to get through these tough times!
I feel compelled to quote an article that was written in Associated Content
"Middle and high-income marriages may fight over spending levels, who is earning more/less money, the authority to spend the money, and whether each partner is doing his/her share. Women, in today's society, are at less financial risk than ever before. As a result, many women expect men to help with the traditional household chores. Since many men still believe this to be woman's work, the equal partnership with both partners bringing in an income, can create problems that are essentially created by money."
This to me is a really interesting phenomenon because as women business owners we are contributing to every level possible within our households-regardless of the monetary amount. However men do not seem to want to partake in any of the additional chores or household work that needs to be done, at least not around here. This typically starts the conversation about nagging which leads to complete resentment, frustration and...no SEX.
What secrets do I have about keeping my marriage alive and hot, even with two children and a husband who works 10 hrs a day outside the home? (well that is one of my secrets:0)
1) Hire a housekeeper that does your laundry Hire a housekeeper that does your laundry (unless you are one of those rare women who enjoy doing laundry and feel tranquil and peaceful as you are folding socks) For me this was a revolutionary moment in or household! My constant nagging was reduced (a little), my resentment of moping floors just to have my 2 year old throw rice and tomato sauce on the floor two hours later was lightened (because at least now I shared the resentment with our housekeeper, just kidding) and I had MORE time to do things that I wanted to do (which is typically making money in my business) sexy right? Who is all hot and bothered by folding laundry and picking up chewed pieces of food? Not me baby. Check out a great resource I recommend by clicking here.
2) Do a serious SELF evaluation. I know these can be scary-and as women we tend to automatically internally beat our selves up. So I am not talking about a self bashing. I am talking about a serious sit down with who you are on the inside, what you look like on the outside and HOW you are portraying yourself to the world. Are you in alignment with WHO you want to be?
3) Buy some freakin lingerie already! I know those of you who are familiar with my thoughts on this subject may be tired of hearing it. I don't care! If you can not look in your lingerie drawer right now and get excited about a special pair of pretty panties then you need an overhaul. Click here to see some of my favorites hanky panky's! 4) Kiss your husband when he leaves in the morning and when walks in the door at night! Kiss him like you used to kiss before sex was a viable option. Yes I know you are tired, kids are running around, dinner needs to be made and...DO IT! It changes everything. We are so caught up in all that is around us every minute of every day. When your spouse walks in, remind yourself why you are married to him. A quick tip (try to imagine him feeling every bit of passion you have for him in that very moment, it works wonders) It can also set the stage for an afternoon quickie! If your spouse works close by I strongly recommend this-especially since the same old bedtime routine in between the sheets is the LAST thing we want to resort to after a day with screaming kids, traffic, bills and brainstorming sessions.
5) ASK FOR HELP...this is hard for all of us. My husband loves to be involved with my business, he will research, proofread, email, make phone calls...but it's funny he is not the first one to jump up and do the dishes when I need to get back to the office. So when he says can I do anything I say YES "empty the dishwasher and make the kids lunches" then we get into a million questions about what he should put in the kids lunches-but that's another topic.
6) Pay Yourself! Ok I may get a lot of flack on this one-but I really believe it. I grew up in a home where my parents shared everything, everything. My mom never went anywhere without my dad and vice versa, well it worked for them for over 30+ years so more power to them but for me...I NEED some independence!!! I like to have a little stash of money that is Mine, mine, all mine. I don't have to account for it, answer questions about it, or justify what I am using it for;) I love it, it keeps me sane and sexy.
7) Reach out to other women. Reach out to other women. Form a community of positive women you can plug into and be real with...there is enough competition out there! If you can form a Mastermind group made up of just women I would recommend it.
8) Scare yourself! Yep you heard me. There is nothing more sexy than challenging yourself to grow outside of your comfort zone. If you feel you are in a complacent state, then you bet your spouse can feel it too! Fear can be a confidence booster, grab hold and walk right through it - wearing lace panties of course!
9) Have a date night box established. Have a date night box established. Make a box and write down dates that you would like to do but haven't yet (if you want you can out a price limit on the date so things do not get too extravagant) Each of you should secretly add to the date box and once a week draw a piece of paper, you HAVE to do whatever the date night says. Some of our favorites are trying new restaurants, going to picnic in the park, country line dancing, wine tasting, strip clubs (that one is Dave's)-well you get the idea.
10) Do something that makes you happy EVERY DAY, something that is just for you. Do something that makes you happy EVERY DAY, something that is just for you. Now this may take some exploring because we tend to forget who we are and what we want when we are running around taking care of everyone else. We need to stop the Martyr syndrome and start taking ownership. What one thing could you do that would make you smile? I buy myself yellow tulips and go for long walks and cups of tea, I sit down in the sun and close my eyes listening to the birds and my kids. Jot down 5 things that make you smile right now. Come on DO IT it will only take a second, if you can't think of any you have an issue and we should talk.
Tara Marino is a Women's Lifestyle Expert and creator of The Pretty Panty Line. She works with women around the world to inspire and empower them to embrace their beauty, their passions and their true desires in life to fulfill their highest visions. Tara's mission is to empower women to make a global change in the worlds current economic, political and gender conscious. She can be contacted at Tara@ElegantFemme.com
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